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Over the course of time, I have come across a number of quotes that were amusing. I have compiled a list so they will not be forgotten.

First Hand

"Causality: The cat doesnt go 'meow' before you kick it"
    - Dr. Timmerman

"Some people drive their cars, and some people are driven by their cars."
    - Jake Hoyman

"... but TV is supposed to be chewing gum for the eyes."
    - Gavin Kurtz

"Car crushing monster trucks are cool. THIS is not cool." (In math 254N)
    - Gavin Kurtz

"Engineers make enough, but they dont make millions."
    - Amber Mescher

"Anything that starts with "Step one: 'WEAVE bacon'" is bound to be good."
    - TarboTaurus

"... I'd kick that b**** out of my herd!"
    - Jake Anderson

"I punched a mouse to death once."
    - Andre Arce

"It's like defacing a national monument. Pierced nipples. It's a travesty."
    - Gavin Kurtz

"Yes, it keeps my heart from thawing."
    - John T. Simonson

"La Roca's chicken is so good. It doesnt even taste like chicken."
    - Cameron Howard

"Understeer is when you hit the wall with the front of the car and oversteer is when you hit the wall with the rear of the car. Horsepower is how fast you hit the wall, torque is how far you take the wall with you."
    - Anatoly


"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it"
    - Winston Churchill

"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards."
    - Vernon Sanders Law

"Death had to take Roosevelt sleeping, for if he had been awake, there would have been a fight."
    - Thomas R. Marshall

"I am looking for a lot of men who have an infinite capacity to not know what can't be done."
    - Henry Ford

"Quality means doing it right when no one is looking."
    - Henry Ford

"There are no big problems, there are just a lot of little problems."
    - Henry Ford

"If man does find the solution for world peace it will be the most revolutionary reversal of his record we have ever known."
    - George C. Marshall

"I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it."
    - Terry Pratchett

"As I walk though the valley of the shadow of death, I have no fear because I am the meanest m*********** in the whole valley."
    - General George S. Patton

"If everyone is thinking alike, someone isn't thinking."
    - General George S. Patton

"If a man does his best, what else is there?"
    - General George S. Patton

"Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory."
    - General George S. Patton

"You're never beaten until you admit it."
    - General George S. Patton

"Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity."
    - General George S. Patton

"What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say."
    - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd."
    - Roger Miller

"You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself."
    - Sam Levenson

"A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students."
    - John Ciardi

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it comes dressed in overalls and looks like work."
    - Thomas Edison

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
    - Steven Wright

"Language is the source of misunderstandings."
    - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Movies and TV

"Forgiveness is between them and God. It's my job to arrange the meeting."
    - Creasy (Man on Fire)

"If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat?"
    - Homer Simpson

"I'm a world-class assassin, f***head. How do you think I found out?"
    - Mr. Goodcat (Lucky Number Sleven)

"Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication"
    - Jeff Foxworthy

"I'm going to beat my buddy Steve like a rented mule"
    - TV Commercial

"I believe they were called the Ten Commandments not the Ten Suggestions."
    - Special Agent Paul Budiansky (Punisher: War Zone)

"You are such an ice queen, any baby nursing from you would get brain freeze."
    - Ted Mosby (How I Met Your Mother)

"A diesel cabrio, is like a super model smoking a pipe."
    - James May (Top Gear)

"The results are as dramatic as putting a furious weasel in your underpants."
    - Jeremy Clarkson (Top Gear)

"I think a Ferrari is a scaled down version of god. And a Porsche is a jumped up Volkswagen Beetle."
    - Jeremy Clarkson (Top Gear)

"It's the king of where ever it damn well wants to go."
    - Jeremy Clarkson (Top Gear)

"A man can be an artist... in anything, food, whatever. It depends on how good he is at it. Creasey's art is death. He's about to paint his masterpiece."
    - Rayburn (Man on Fire)

"We will be perfect in every aspect of the game. You drop a pass, you run a mile. You miss a blocking assignment, you run a mile. You fumble the football, and i will break my foot off in your John Brown hind parts and then you will run a mile. Perfection. Let's go to work."
    - Coach Boone (Remember the Titans)


 "Anything that starts with "Step one: 'WEAVE bacon'" is bound to be good." - TarboTaurus Designed by Ethan